Greeting home buy speculator

 You own your home, it's paid for, you are happy there. Then a nosey home buy speculator CALLS YOUR NUMBER ANYWAY!  FINE...

"WHERE would you prefer to be executed"? (call usually ends here)

But for the very self important caller. .. "Would you prefer to be executed AT HOME" or 

"IN FRONT OF YOUR "PROPERTY" ?  That way you'd get a personalized little white cross & mourner's flowers TO GO WITH THE sexy "FOR SALE SIGN" of your esteemed firm.

WELL , WHICH OPTION IS FOR YOU??

The stinking little pants wetter can't charge you with communicating threats  .... IF HE PHONED YOU....  & YOU AREN'T SELLING YOUR HOME! 

Let him get horrible nightmares, disrupt his predatory "business " & help him to ONLY call advertised properties! 

PLUS IF your jerky caller has a FOREIGN ACCENT turn his number over to Homeland Security DHS! One more illegal for the warehouse quota.

Then there are the SPECULATOR SPAMMERS "won't you sell to us & go live in a dumpster?" - Voice mail, phone message, emails !!

First shoot a clear photo of your most recent bowel movement preferably in a toilet bowl AND SEND TO "MR HOME BUYER" as a friendly message.  "IM SELLING THIS $________ Go EAT IT.

Not into scat humor?  Well, clip pictures from the Internet of big,fat DOGS SQUEEZING OUT fresh "sausage" links & reply to "Mr home buyer" in kind with these graphic attachments.

If the speculator is middle-eastern/Arab/Muslim, he's almost SURE TO NEVER CONTACT YOU AGAIN!