ELON MUSK LITHIUM TAN!

 To help the Federal government raise more money through private enterprise Elon Musk has invented an indoor tanning sensation "AFRIKANER GLOW" lotion which promises to give its users the same billion dollar Lithium white skin tone which he proudly sports beneath his boyish ball cap! *  

 This magic lotion is actually clear so users won't stain their clothes and won't even feel like they're wearing anything artificial on their skin!!   

ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF "MIRACLE AFRIKANER GLOW" will be deposited in the Federal "DOGE" bank fund - member FDIC. 

*For some unexplained reason Elon's rather brown BF RamaSwammy has not yet begun applying 'Miracle Afrikaner Glow' to his notoriously DEI complexion. - hmmm? 

WHITE HOUSE JEOPARDY GAME

 In a sincere effort to show that the new Republican total government is not all frowns & fascism.  House Speaker Mike Johnson is introducing a new TV game show to entertain Donald when he's bored with Fox news! 

The show will be named WHITE HOUSE JEOPARDY shown exclusively on HBO (since network tv audience is assumed too stupid to follow) 

In "White House Jeopardy" all federal cabinet secretaries will compete with each other to show who is the most loyal to President Trump and who knows the least about their federal agencies!  

Winning contestants will be awarded generous stipends from Elon Musk's slush fund and, most important of all each WINNER receives one Golden Brown-Noser champion Trophy with Trump's name embossed on each big soiled nose!!    

(WammySwammy won't be eligible since his nose is already rather BROWN.)  For contestants who's answers to essay questions show the least adoration for President Trump. 

But the highest academic knowledge about the subject of an agency or department will lose grandly!

A loud buzzer and a flashing red siren light which will call out the words "YOUR FIRED" will intone as a soldier escorts the loser off the set!

Mike Johnson will play the part of host Alex Trebeck.