US EPA dinosaur farts warmed planet!

 SCOTT PRUITT Trump's head of Environmental Promotion Administration (EPA) Has ordered all school children in America to be re-educated on The Truth of our warming earth!   

His most amazing revelation for them is the scientific "fact" that the cause of planetary warming and the extinction of many early primitive humans was DINOSAUR FARTS the force of which blew away entire Mayan cities and incinerated whole forests when their methane gas farts exploded in mushroom clouds!

He went on to lay the blame for today's extreme weather events on paleontology because archeologists excavating dinosaur bones are secretly conspiring to release long trapped dinosaur flatulence from under ground with the pretence of doing important scientific work for public television programs like NOVA!

Ancient dinosaur farts gasses he said are being released into the sky around the world by these over educated know nothing tv producers.  And that is what's behind all the recent flooding, hurricanes and tornadoes everywhere he said.  

President Trump agrees with Mr. Pruitt's environmental revelation which is exactly why he is abolishing the fake,woke, DEPT OF EDUCATION so America's school students can be exposed to TRUE FACTS of the REAL world!

WHITE HOUSE JEOPARDY GAME

 In a sincere effort to show that the new Republican total government is not all frowns & fascism.  House Speaker Mike Johnson is introducing a new TV game show to entertain Donald when he's bored with Fox news! 

The show will be named WHITE HOUSE JEOPARDY shown exclusively on HBO (since network tv audience is assumed too stupid to follow) 

In "White House Jeopardy" all federal cabinet secretaries will compete with each other to show who is the most loyal to President Trump and who knows the least about their federal agencies!  

Winning contestants will be awarded generous stipends from Elon Musk's slush fund and, most important of all each WINNER receives one Golden Brown-Noser champion Trophy with Trump's name embossed on each big soiled nose!!    

(WammySwammy won't be eligible since his nose is already rather BROWN.)  For contestants who's answers to essay questions show the least adoration for President Trump. 

But the highest academic knowledge about the subject of an agency or department will lose grandly!

A loud buzzer and a flashing red siren light which will call out the words "YOUR FIRED" will intone as a soldier escorts the loser off the set!

Mike Johnson will play the part of host Alex Trebeck.

 

TRUMP CAN'T DEAL WITH SATIRE BECAUSE HE TOLD PUTIN TO MAKE IT ILLEGAL !

The trouble with Trump is his schizophrenia has caused him confusion over which country he's president-elect of;  America or Russia?   He's still convinced that being friends with Vladimir & Co. will result in the cancellation of the First Amendment's inconveniences to his narrative of what "the Truth" really is on any given day.  Once the State defines what the official "Truth" is then he will use his Twitter Propaganda account to "explain" the details of his daily or nightly Facts with no questions taken or recorded from any critics.  

Maybe President Donald is planning to follow the example set by CHINA'S President Xi Jin Ping and make a personal visit to every major media headquarters and demand that they ONLY REPORT the official gov't spin on everything - and nothing else!!  (or else he will revoke their business licenses and jail their staff!)

If President Trump, despite many attempts, fails to muzzle the U.S. media and get everybody singing his song then he may just decide life in Russia probably would be better and Uncle Vladimir will reward him and his family with a golden palace and a powerful official position complete with golden one way microphone to lecture the Russian people about The Daily Truth (as he is told to repeat it)!